Dead Man Walking-UPDATED 4/22

[Cammie Moonites]

Okay so I needed a little break from -Code Blue- And I thought why not start fresh.

So here you go!
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Here guys - I had this brewing in my head and thought to post it before I forgot --------------------------------

Chapter One: Realization of Everything Mortal

Horatio Caine stood at the mouth of the steps at the Crime Lab - His crime lab - he'd just been released from the hospital pending that he'd get examined every other week. He'd been diagnosed with Cancer - But no one knew except him - and that was the way it was going to stay - They said it would eat him alive - if he didnt get treatment - and Horatio himself had thought that he didnt need it - Would he ever - it was in remission.

It had been in remission for the last fifty some odd years. He'd inherited it from his father - he was told - the same man who'd taken his childhood away - the same man who'd murdered his mother - had now - and only now given him the same death sentence - but in a different way.

It hadnt showed up - the doctors said before - because he'd not been under stress - as much as he'd been as of late. Which Horatio didnt understand - because he figured he'd been under more stress than ever when Marisol had died - Or Speedle for that matter... He shifted his weight lightly as he waited for his team to come into work - he'd been early again - and didnt like being in the lab alone - something about paranoia that liked to creep into the edges of his sanity when he was. -----


He'd come to reality with what had happened. What had been done - He had been diagnosed with the same disease that his wife had been diagnosed with - that she - fought so hard to over come - and in the end - she had but it had not been the cancer that had taken her life. Horatio had loved Marisol for the fight in her - the same fight that he'd shared with himself - that will to live that penetrated anything that happened. Horatio Caine would not succumb to this.


He would not allow this little backtrack to take his time - to take his job away from him - even if it had been seen on the MRI- it wasn't active - and Horatio vowed to make sure that it didn't become active. It was in remission - and that was how it was going to stay. He snorted as he stood waiting for his team - thought about telling them - again but he knew it would destroy everything that they held for him - he didnt want to cause that kind of pain - sorrow for something that wasnt a problem - yet.

Tempted to pace - Horatio moved back and forth on his heels thinking about what would happen if he did get hit with it - would he be able to work? Would he be able to do his job? Would the Horatio Caine everyone knew - would he still be who he was? He snorted again - There was no doubt that this was going to change him - but it wasnt going to hurt the person he was - and he'd become. He wouldnt allow it to happen that way.

[Lian]

Waiting where this story is gonna go.

Lian

[NV Oracle]

I also am wondering where you're going to take this, Courtney. Very interesting start.

Your friend
NV Oracle

[Dr. Anna McBreadle]

interesting start! lets see where this one will go and how the rest of the lab will react!
luv
sam
x

[pinkyster]

Great start, so what will Horatio do, my theory he is going to choose his job over his life and work to the final end. Great start. Can't wait for more.

Jen

[Cammie Moonites]

Here ya guys go - long awaited Chapter Two is finally here!
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Chapter Two: Ripped From The Headlines

Horatio had walked into the crime lab himself - wondering why all of the news people where there - and who could have leaked - if that's what they where there about.

A news lady walked up to Horatio and smiled politely - "Lieutenant Caine is it true you have Cancer?" she said motioning her camera man.

Horatio blinked - narrowed his eyes.. "Your crossing a line Ma'am." he said - and shifted his weight.

The woman looked at him and her smile widened. "Lieutenant - the people have a right to know."

Horatio rested his right hand on his pistol - narrowed his eyes further. "The people also have a right to privacy concerning personal matters - Ma'am."

It was the woman's turn now to blink - "Well - I uhm.. Stan take the camera down!" she said to her camera man.

Horatio just stood - knees locked - eyes showing nothing but anger. "Delete the tape." he said it slow - and meant a little more than every word..

The news lady nodded lightly. "Yes Sir.. Lieutenant.. I mean - " and she walked away.
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Horatio knew it would be on the news - knew that she wasnt going to delete that prime account of information - and he'd be seeing it and explaining himself later on in the night - which to him was going to be hard if one of his CSI's saw it. Or anyone in the lab for that matter- Word spread like wildfire here - and there was no escaping its heat.

(To Be Continued)

[jstyle]

Ooh..... when is the next chapter up??

Jessica

[NV Oracle]

If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that the news lady was Ericka Sikes. Otherwise, great chapter, Courtney. Can't wait to see where it goes.

Your friend
NV Oracle

[Cammie Moonites]

I just laughed so hard at that comment - I didnt EVEN think about it! xD

[Cammie Moonites]

Here Ya go girls! Chapter Three!
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Chapter Three: Frozen Solid

Ryan Wolfe was outside the crime lab watching the circus that was going on inside the lab and he narrowed his eyes - Wondered what was going on.

The news reporter from earlier wasnt done with Horatio yet - although she figured she'd find her information somewhere else - In Ryan Wolfe for example. She'd never met him before - but had heard about how he had a gambling problem from her friend Erika Sikes - Whom had long since moved to another station - leaving the position open. "Ryan Wolfe - My name is Natalie Armstrong and I'm with Channel Four - I would like to have your input on Lieutenant Caine... Is it true..." she started wondering how Ryan would answer. "Is it true Horatio Caine has cancer?" she asked out loud -

All of the heads around them turned to face her.

Ryan blinked - narrowed his eyes in the same gesture Horatio had given her. "I - Uhm... What are you talking about?" he asked her - wondering where she'd get that kind of false information.

Natalie looked at him and smiled - He didnt know - which made her smile wider - She was tall - had short brown hair and blue eyes - she was wearing a purple suit dress that gave her body a robust look to it. "Ah - So you dont know" she said signaling her camera man.

Ryan wasnt going to be a victim of her again- nor was he going to give her any information on Horatio - which - if he did - know the answer - would probably wind up with him getting fired. So instead without missing a beat he turned on his heals and walked inside - to find the man himself.

Natalie watched her smile fading. "We'll get our information one way or another." she said.
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Horatio was in his office - going through paper work - filing reports - spring cleaning - nothing was really on his mind except old cases that he'd run into while going through files and other time sensitive material. He had the radio on light music - a little mix of old rock in there too - it wasnt loud but it was just enough to keep his brain moving. And keep him motivated.

Ryan had heard that Horatio was in his office - so thats where he planned to go. To get to the truth of the matter- which he didnt even know if Horatio would tell him candidly that he did have cancer or not and it worried him. He arrived at Horatio's office - knocked lightly and then walked in. "Horatio.." he said his voice and features sounding and looking grim.

Horatio looked up - narrowed his eyes and got to his feet. "Mister Wolfe.. " he said knowing the look that Ryan was giving him.

Ryan sighed and put his head down. "I'd hate to do this to you- Sir.. but uhm.. There's a news lady outside badgering your officers and CSI's for information." he didnt say what kind of information- not wanting to be scheming but it was an interrogation technique - to draw information out of witnesses or suspects - and Horatio - at this moment was neither.

Horatio shook his head lightly and his hands rested on his hips - as he shifted his weight. "She is hmm.." he murmured. "Then you probably know what kind of information she wants.." he said and looked down. "Yes- Mister Wolfe - I was recently diagnosed with Cancer." he said.

Ryan could see the tears welling up in his superior's eyes - those eyes that had seen so much pain- so much suffering - the eyes of a wounded soldier who had nothing left but the job. "H.. I uhm.. I'm so sorry." he said and stepped forward. "I- I uhm." he moved and put his hand on Horatio's shoulder in a gesture that said 'I'm here - and I'm not leaving.'

Horatio just looked away and regained control of his emotions. "Mister Wolfe - Now if you know that means Eric and Calleigh do too." he said and clutched at his sanity. "Go and confirm it for them and then meet me back here in about two hours." he murmured.

Ryan sighed - shifted and walked out of the office without saying another word.

Horatio fell to his chair and clutched his fists at his legs - pounded them down lightly and sighed.. there was no explanation - why he hadnt told them- they came to him when they had a problem - but now he was the one keeping the secrets... He stood again and paced for a few moments his eyes closed and opened trying to push back the sobs - the feeling of ever growing guilt that was wrapped around his stomach... He knew this would come back to haunt him - physically or mentally - and he was prepared for neither.

[NV Oracle]

Uh, oh. Poor H. Having to tell the team, even though he really would have preferred to have kept it to himself. Can't wait to see how he does this.

Great chapter, Courtney.

Your friend
NV Oracle

[Cammie Moonites]

The long awaited CH FOUR is here! What will Horatio tell them!
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Chapter Four: The Truth Will Set You Free

Horatio wasnt prepared to tell his team he had Cancer... such a big word - a word that meant so much - he knew. And he fought with his emotions as he sat at the head of the layout room. He didnt want to tell them- he was afraid to tell them for it would make him sound weak - and unable to do his job - he shifted his weight and narrowed his eyes as Calleigh, Eric, and Ryan all walked in the room - noticing Ryan was the one to close the door behind him.
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Ryan sat down next to Horatio - on the ledge of the counter not saying a word to anyone about anything other than what he'd already told them.

Eric took a stool and sat down - narrowing his eyes as he looked over at his brother in law.

Calliegh stayed standing - cause she didnt believe it herself.. an wanted to hear it from him. She didnt know what she'd do if it was true..
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Horatio started by standing upright and putting his hands on his hips - his gun and shield where missing - since he'd been put on medical leave - for the time being while he was being tested and they wanted to be sure - but he was still allowed full access to the lab - by the grace of God himself. He sighed and heaved in a deep breath. "I called you all down here because.." he started. "I have something that I need to talk about.." he murmured... He waited for anyone to stop him and kept going. "As of four days ago.. Team. I was diagnosed with stage one lung cancer." he murmured and immediately moved to put his head down.

Shock filled the room and he started almost to cry.. He could hear everyone's deep intake of breath. "It was found during a general physical - and they said that if I wouldnt have come in that they probably wouldnt have found it." he murmured. "Its localized to the top of my left lung and hasnt moved yet. They're hoping treatment will allow it to stay where its at - as of right now it is in remission." he stopped.

Calliegh had to speak up before she lost her nerve. "C- Cancer! Horatio... why didnt you come to me sooner."

Horatio looked at her - and now saline tears where streaming down his face as guilt filled his eyes. "I- I didnt want you guys to worry.." he murmured.

Eric looked at him.. "You have the same thing my sister had...your wife Horatio... its a lot more serious then not just coming to us..."

Horatio was backed into a corner - and they where right - they came to him for everything - most of the time if they needed something or something had happened.. and now he was the one who wasnt - telling them what was going on. There where no words to explain how he was feeling. "I'm.. I'm so sorry." was all he could muster..

Calliegh rounded the huge layout table that they'd used more times then she could count- and walked up to him - staring into his ocean blue eyes.. "Next time tell us." she whispered and then walked away.

Horatio knew she was angry - and they had every right to be. He knew. He sighed and shifted his weight again wanting to end this all - "Treatment if it becomes active is in six weeks. If not by that time then I should be alright.. for now." he murmured and Eric's words hit him right in the chest. Below the skin and into the heart- Marisol had had cancer too... and she had fought so hard to live.....

Eric didnt say anything for a long moment and narrowed his eyes further. "Keep me updated." he said and walked out of the room, Calliegh followed.

Ryan walked up to Horatio and almost whimpered when he spoke. "Horatio....dont beat yourself up over them.."

Horatio didnt say anything for a long moment... waited a beat... "Its not my fault." he murmured. He too walked out of the room trying to find somewhere he could just be alone - somewhere where no one would find him.... and he realized - there was no place like that - for him. Everyone knew him...He was never alone....

[pinkyster]

Nice chapter. I don't know why Cal & Eric have to be so hard on him. They should know by now that Horatio is a strong individual, that wouldn't burden his problems on anyone. So why are they surprised about this? Glad to also see Ryan is by his side through it.

Jen

[NV Oracle]

Very well done, Courtney. I agree with Jen, though. Eric and Calleigh should know him better than anyone at the lab, except for Alexx, and they should know how much it would take for Horatio to admit to anyone if he even had a problem. This would definitely count as one.

Great chapter Courtney. Can't wait to see where you take it next.

Your friend
NV Oracle

[Cammie Moonites]

Hehe - Thank you guys- as soon as I feel better another few chapters will be on the way - right now I'm really sick so - sooner or later.. something will be posted! I have not forgotten about my loyal fans! xD

Thanks for the comments.