Post by Cammie Moonites on Jan 10, 2009 8:05:29 GMT -10
Here's another little something I wrote...
Hehe, I hope you like it..
Its more depressing Horatio though..
*Cassity is the character I created, and in an rp he was forced to kill her suicide by cop.. so thats where the reference comes from.
Anyway, Enjoy -
---------------------------
He Stood Alone[/b][/i]
-------------------
He stood alone.
He stood staring into the ocean blue, of the ocean reflecting his own ocean blues.
Wondered when his life, had became so helpless. It wasnt his own.
He'd always wondered if he'd ever been living his own life. Or was it the life his father knew he would take after all of the abuse.
The Horatio Caine he knew, was no longer there. He'd been gone long ago, had walked out on this Horatio the months after Marisol and Cassity where taken from him.
It was interesting he think that way, because he was the one who'd taken Cassity from himself.
He was forced.. he would testify, every time he was asked.. but would she have really killed him, would she have really pulled the trigger...on him.
He wished he would have waited to find out, but there was no talking her down, she knew what she wanted.. and she'd told him that she'd kill him if he didnt kill her.
--
He shifted his weight, and shift down onto his knee, and stare into his wounded reflection. Temptation to pull his pistol - he wanted it, wanted to die, the moment Cassity had hit the floor, he wanted to die.
There was nothing left, of this man who sworn to serve and protect.
Had all of the women he'd yet to met have the same fate as the ones he'd already lost...
Every woman he'd ever been with was now dead.
Maybe he was a black widow, and that was just his destiny like his father had told him, to wind up cold and alone.
And as of this moment it sure as hell felt like that's what he was doing, sitting here, cold around the heart and alone.
Nothing could save him, for he didnt trust anyone, not even himself, and if Rick found out about the depression he was under, he would surely have them investigate.
Just to spite him, just to know what goes on in his head, because he'd yet to talk to a therapist after Speedle had died, after, Marisol, after Cassity...
Was he afraid of what they would tell him? Afraid of what they would think of him, would they tell him that he was pathetic and a burnt out cop, who shouldnt be working...
He didnt want to hear those words. The only thing keeping him alive was his job. Without that, he was nothing.
----
Horatio sighed again as he move sitting on his rump resting his head on his knee staring into the never ending ocean, this quiet place, away from civilization was just off the glades, he'd found it while searching for a missing girl.. Ironic, he thought.
No one came here except him, he parked the hummer about a mile away and walked back, allowing nature to overwhelm him.
He spent hours here, one time he'd even spent a day here. There where no people, no human contact for him to be worried about, it was just him and nature, and should he accidentally forget his cell phone in his car, which on this occasion he had, he'd take the messages when he came back.
Came back.. into reality, into this hellish thing he called life..
What was there to come back to.. he wondered, the same thing every single day,
Death...
Abuse...
Homicide...
Suicide...
Pain...
Suffering...
Rape...
Torture...
Death...
And he wondered for a moment why he did this job, he knew the obvious answers, knew why he had started here, but he didnt know why. Deep down, WHY, he had become what he was.
And it haunted him, the reasons that he did not know, and he'd seen so many peoples lives destroyed..
He'd taken so many peoples lives, and for what.. to protect someone else, and himself?
And then his mind went back to Marisol. To Cassity.
Why them, why was he chosen to take thier lives as well, Marisol had died infront of him, after fighting so hard to live...
And, Cassity had forced him to take her life...
He'd been forced before, procedure... no this wasnt against or by procedure...
It was no matter what way you put it suicide.
He wasnt a cop when he was around her, nor was she. They where humans trying to live normal lives after everything they'd seen.
But how could they, live a normal life, when all they'd seen is hatred and carnage.
How could he walk back into that life...
Wounds where still fresh he noticed, the black eye, the busted cheek bone. The ribs, that had yet to heal, and gave him pain every time he tried to move.
But he kept on going, for the victims, for himself.
Selfish he thought...
Selfish for him to sit here and pretend he did the job for the victims, when that wasnt the truth.
He did it for himself, to keep himself from taking his own life.
Is that all his life had amounted to, doing a job, to save himself...
----
He shifted a little and just sat, staring into the ocean, not looking away, from his own reflection.. because he couldnt..
There was no life behind those ocean blue eyes, no love, no family.
No reason to live.
Not one that he could find anyway.
Cold and alone he stood up, and started back to the hummer.
Through the brush and path that he'd made so many times coming here..
He finally reached the hummer about ten minutes later.
Sat behind the wheel, and drive into work.
Another day, another life. To save, or lose.
Horatio Caine.
Hehe, I hope you like it..
Its more depressing Horatio though..
*Cassity is the character I created, and in an rp he was forced to kill her suicide by cop.. so thats where the reference comes from.
Anyway, Enjoy -
---------------------------
He Stood Alone[/b][/i]
-------------------
He stood alone.
He stood staring into the ocean blue, of the ocean reflecting his own ocean blues.
Wondered when his life, had became so helpless. It wasnt his own.
He'd always wondered if he'd ever been living his own life. Or was it the life his father knew he would take after all of the abuse.
The Horatio Caine he knew, was no longer there. He'd been gone long ago, had walked out on this Horatio the months after Marisol and Cassity where taken from him.
It was interesting he think that way, because he was the one who'd taken Cassity from himself.
He was forced.. he would testify, every time he was asked.. but would she have really killed him, would she have really pulled the trigger...on him.
He wished he would have waited to find out, but there was no talking her down, she knew what she wanted.. and she'd told him that she'd kill him if he didnt kill her.
--
He shifted his weight, and shift down onto his knee, and stare into his wounded reflection. Temptation to pull his pistol - he wanted it, wanted to die, the moment Cassity had hit the floor, he wanted to die.
There was nothing left, of this man who sworn to serve and protect.
Had all of the women he'd yet to met have the same fate as the ones he'd already lost...
Every woman he'd ever been with was now dead.
Maybe he was a black widow, and that was just his destiny like his father had told him, to wind up cold and alone.
And as of this moment it sure as hell felt like that's what he was doing, sitting here, cold around the heart and alone.
Nothing could save him, for he didnt trust anyone, not even himself, and if Rick found out about the depression he was under, he would surely have them investigate.
Just to spite him, just to know what goes on in his head, because he'd yet to talk to a therapist after Speedle had died, after, Marisol, after Cassity...
Was he afraid of what they would tell him? Afraid of what they would think of him, would they tell him that he was pathetic and a burnt out cop, who shouldnt be working...
He didnt want to hear those words. The only thing keeping him alive was his job. Without that, he was nothing.
----
Horatio sighed again as he move sitting on his rump resting his head on his knee staring into the never ending ocean, this quiet place, away from civilization was just off the glades, he'd found it while searching for a missing girl.. Ironic, he thought.
No one came here except him, he parked the hummer about a mile away and walked back, allowing nature to overwhelm him.
He spent hours here, one time he'd even spent a day here. There where no people, no human contact for him to be worried about, it was just him and nature, and should he accidentally forget his cell phone in his car, which on this occasion he had, he'd take the messages when he came back.
Came back.. into reality, into this hellish thing he called life..
What was there to come back to.. he wondered, the same thing every single day,
Death...
Abuse...
Homicide...
Suicide...
Pain...
Suffering...
Rape...
Torture...
Death...
And he wondered for a moment why he did this job, he knew the obvious answers, knew why he had started here, but he didnt know why. Deep down, WHY, he had become what he was.
And it haunted him, the reasons that he did not know, and he'd seen so many peoples lives destroyed..
He'd taken so many peoples lives, and for what.. to protect someone else, and himself?
And then his mind went back to Marisol. To Cassity.
Why them, why was he chosen to take thier lives as well, Marisol had died infront of him, after fighting so hard to live...
And, Cassity had forced him to take her life...
He'd been forced before, procedure... no this wasnt against or by procedure...
It was no matter what way you put it suicide.
He wasnt a cop when he was around her, nor was she. They where humans trying to live normal lives after everything they'd seen.
But how could they, live a normal life, when all they'd seen is hatred and carnage.
How could he walk back into that life...
Wounds where still fresh he noticed, the black eye, the busted cheek bone. The ribs, that had yet to heal, and gave him pain every time he tried to move.
But he kept on going, for the victims, for himself.
Selfish he thought...
Selfish for him to sit here and pretend he did the job for the victims, when that wasnt the truth.
He did it for himself, to keep himself from taking his own life.
Is that all his life had amounted to, doing a job, to save himself...
----
He shifted a little and just sat, staring into the ocean, not looking away, from his own reflection.. because he couldnt..
There was no life behind those ocean blue eyes, no love, no family.
No reason to live.
Not one that he could find anyway.
Cold and alone he stood up, and started back to the hummer.
Through the brush and path that he'd made so many times coming here..
He finally reached the hummer about ten minutes later.
Sat behind the wheel, and drive into work.
Another day, another life. To save, or lose.
Horatio Caine.
